This is me. This is real. It's my life, not an excuse.

Every once in a while I like to click on my blog and try and perceive from an outsiders point of view.  When I think of someone I do not even know reading about me and my issues with food, it actually doesn't bother me as much as knowing that someone I know is reading about it.

I try to keep my posts up beat and to be honest about what I deal with, but the thought of sharing my posts on Facebook makes me cringe.  I have shared a few of the recipes and I know that will lead people to look around my blog, but it's hard for me.  I feel embarrassed about my eating disorder and I often sit here and think about what people I know must say about me after reading my blog and it nearly breaks me.  The sad part is, I don't even know what they are saying.

I know my disorder is not as bad as some, my episodes don't occur as often as some peoples and they aren't always as bad as other peoples, but they do happen and they make it really hard to manage my weight.  Having three ducklings hasn't helped in the weight area either, I knew I wasn't going to be one to just "spring" back, but I want so badly to have my confidence back that I had long before having children.

So if you know me and you read my blog, please don't judge me or think poorly of me.  B.E.D. is not an excuse for people who like to eat, it is a genuine disorder that works like many other addictions.  It's real and I am trying to do something about it because I know I am better than this.  Every time I feel someone is putting me down for my weight, it leads me into a whole new spiral of self doubt and even self pity, which often leads to one step back.  I know it has been said by the wonderful Eleanor Roosevelt that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but as I struggle to over come so much, I need kindness and support, not snide remarks and judgmental comments and looks.

I will do better, for myself, my children, and my husband.  And I owe a huge thank you to my wonderful husband for standing my every step of the way.  He has never put me down for my weight gain, nor has he ever expected me to lose weight for him.  he is supportive and wants me to do well, for me, not anyone else.  He may drive me crazy, but I couldn't ask for a better husband.

If you have any questions you can email or leave a comment here with your email.  I am always up for a good chat.