An army against women

Okay, I get it, my blog is titled "my life as an American army wife," in which I almost titled it "the secret life of the American army wife" but I decided that sounded wrong. The truth is, I cannot stand the title of "army wife". It's not because I believe it's a bad title, or women shouldn't use it as job title, or because my life is any harder than yours, but because I believe it's been tainted. 

I am so fed up with the way military wives and female service members are harassed and treated in the military community and giving the general population a title simply groups all women where they don't necessarily belong. 

Female soldiers are deemed "whores" and "home wreckers" automatically because a few select are. But not ALL of them. Women are catty, yes, but men in this military world are demeaning and it's infuriating. 

The thing that gets under my skin is the soldiers who refer to military wives as dependas or Dependapotamus. These are defined as women who marry soldiers for the benefits and sit around at home all day and do not work. I'm sure people could add to that list as how they see a "dependa" but it's very demeaning. So many people tell us to let it go, that soldiers (and others) are just trying to get under our skin, but I can tell you right now that if anyone called me a dependa to my face, I'd lay them out in 2 seconds. We were married long before he chose to enlist. And so what if we choose for me to stay home and raise our children, why should I work to pay some else to raise my children? I could very well make my own way in this world without my soldier, but I have been blessed with a life where I can be home with my children and take care of my husband. 

Now I get it, many women do marry soldiers after a week or month of knowing them, but come on guys, you are not that stupid, you know damn well why she's marrying you after only knowing you a month, and if you don't... Well then maybe you deserve whatever is coming to you.  And don't get me wrong, not everyone who gets married after a month of knowing someone is for benefits, and not all are going to fail or end badly. 

And yes, the adultery rate and divorce rate are high amongst the military, but many of those are contract marriages-- marriages arranged between two soldiers or a soldier and friend to get military benefits. Or even more so, let's talk about the "swinger" community, or how many open marriages there are in the military. It's HUGE. 

My point is, people (male service members, specifically, and the wives who think they're above others) need to STOP demeaning women of the military, whether enlisted or married into it. We are NOT all dependas or whores. We are simply living our lives, which quite frankly is no one else's business. 

And guys, if you don't want to see women cheat... Don't give them a reason to. "Lead me not into temptation.." And I'm not referring to "bad husbands" but the single soldiers who get a kick out of seeking out married women. 

It's just best to mind your own business. You don't like it, then don't contribute to the problem. Labeling someone won't change anything, you're simply bullying women.