The Army hospital here is the first hospital I've ever been to where the ER doped you up for your pain, put in a referral for a specialist, and sent you on your way...
I was lucky enough to at least get some kind of exam, only to be told things are worse than they seem. Then given meds to take home for the pain and sent home... With a referral into a specialist. It wouldn't bug me so much if it wasn't a two week wait to get in to see the specialist.
I didn't really freak out at first, but the more the thoughts circulate in my mind, the more agitated I become, and I begin to worry. I always have these moments where I really don't worry, I know I will be fine. But then there's this whisper in the back of my head that says "why are you above it? It can happen to anyone. Do you think those already diagnosed knew they would be?" I think everyone, or most everyone, thinks they are above the bad stuff until it happens. I never thought I'd personally ever be effected by SIDS, but I watched my sister bury my niece. My sister never thought it would happen to her baby.
But that's how life works. That's why I worry too much. I get the whole "it could never happen to me" mind set. I also understand the "you are above nothing" way of life.
If the PA in the ER had put these thoughts in my head and then had performed tests that may have denied or supported her worries, I think I'd feel slightly better. Instead, I am left here thinking everything will be fine, with an antagonizing doubt in the back of my mind. It's really sucks.
The cherry on top seems to be the way I notice things about the topic 10x more because it's in my head. I'm thinking about it, so I notice it and wonder if it's a sign. -->Stupid. I know.<-- but that's the way my pretty little, anxiety driven mind works.
So now, in two weeks, I will see this specialist and I pray I will have some answers.
No comments:
Post a Comment